The Social Code

In this issue:

• The question that killed a $2M deal (and how to ask better ones)

• Why AI can't read sarcasm - your secret weapon in conversations

• The GPS trick that turns angry people into allies

• How to get what you want without being pushy

The Wrong Question at the Wrong Time

Last month, I watched a CEO destroy his biggest deal with three words.

"Are you sure?"

He thought he was being careful. Smart.

The investors heard doubt. They walked.

Here's what I've learned coaching hundreds of leaders: Questions aren't neutral. They're weapons that build bridges or blow them up.

The right question creates trust. The wrong one? Pure damage.

Here's the good news. I'm going to show you exactly how to ask questions that work.

The Question Formula That Works

After studying thousands of conversations, I found a pattern. The best communicators follow the same playbook.

They don't just ask questions. They ask questions that make people feel smart and safe.

Instead of: "Did you finish the report?"
Try: "How did the report come together?"

Instead of: "Why didn't you call me back?"
Try: "What did your day look like yesterday?"

Instead of: "Are you mad at me?"
Try: "I'm sensing tension. What am I missing?"

The magic isn't the words. It's the intention behind them.

The GPS Trick for Difficult People

Here's a technique I learned from my divorce attorney (yes, really) that changed how I navigate every difficult conversation:

Last week, a client called me panicked. Her team was fighting. Deadlines were slipping. Everyone was defensive.

I taught her this technique I call "Emotional GPS."

Example: Team member says: "This project is impossible. The deadline is crazy."

Your brain wants to say: "We've done harder things."

Emotional GPS says:

• Emotion: Overwhelmed

• Need: Support

• Give first: Understanding

So you say: "This does feel like a lot. What part feels hardest?"

Result? They feel heard. The fight stops. Now you can solve problems together.

She tried it. The team tension disappeared in two days.

Some of my thoughts are on Podcast:

Reader Q&A

Sarah from Portland asks: "Eva, you seem so calm in tough conversations. Do you ever lose your cool? What's your secret?"

Answer: Honestly? I used to be a hothead. Ask my ex (lol).

The turning point came when I was training horses. My instructor said something that changed everything: "The horse mirrors your energy. If you're tense, they're tense."

Conversations work the same way. When I stay calm, others calm down too. When I get reactive, they get defensive.

My secret: I pause and ask myself, "What energy am I bringing?" Then I adjust.

It's not about being perfect. It's about being intentional.

One Final Thought

I used to think powerful people had all the answers.

Wrong.

Powerful people ask the questions that change everything. They create space for truth. They make others feel brilliant. They turn fights into partnerships with one perfectly-timed question.

Mission this week: Stop trying to have all the answers. Become the person who asks the questions no one else thinks to ask.

The questions that dig deeper. That show you care. That change the whole conversation.

Because here's what I've learned after coaching CEOs, fixing broken teams, and raising kids:

The right question at the right moment doesn't just change conversations. It changes lives.

Hit reply and tell me. I read every response.

P.S. Each quarter, I open just a few spots. No ads. No funnel. Just real results for high-functioning leaders who are ready to face the real conversation they’ve been avoiding - with their business, their team, or themselves. This is your window. let's talk →

Stay curious,
Eva